Today has been quite a day. It's been a mixture of people hurting each other seemingly beyond repair, and finding the greatest joy in the smallest things in life. Back and forth, all over the place. It was confusing, but I learned things.
First, I learned that even if you don't want to do something, go do it anyway. I helped a very special friend celebrate her 13th birthday today. Don't get me wrong, I love her, and I wanted to celebrate with her. 13 is a very special birthday. It means you're not a kid anymore, and you're growing up. But you can still have little kid parties at the local skating rink or whatever and it's socially acceptable. She chose to have it at a putt putt place, which normally I cannot find any fun in. But besides the renovations that make the place totally freakin' AMAZING, I was with my friends and I learned that if you're with the right people, you can brighten any situation and make it at least bearable.
But let me tell you, I had an absolute BLAST with this kid and her two older brothers. Best time I've had in a long time.
And she got me ice cream from the ice cream man when he drove by later that day. :)
Next, I learned that even if you're absolutely terrified to do something, do it anyway. Fear is not of God, and you need to trust Him to help you out of it. One of the best ways, albeit the scariest way, to overcome fear is to face it. I hate horror films. Absolutely despise them. They freak me out and I usually either lose sleep over them or have horrible nightmares. Today, however, I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his brother and didn't have to go home until sort of late, and I didn't know they had planned to see a movie. I had money on me, and I didn't exactly want to go home early, so I asked if I could go too. I knew the people they were going with, and I actually like these people (that's another thing about me - I have a hard time tolerating people), so I figured I'd be okay.
Then I found out what movie they were seeing.
It's that new Abraham Lincoln movie, the one where he's a vampire slayer and all that. Lots of blood. Lots of violence. Lots of scary stuff.
Lots of stuff I didn't think I could handle.
However, I was NOT going home just because I was too scared to go see a bunch of people onscreen in a bunch of gory makeup stage fighting. So I toughed it out. My boyfriend was super supportive and had his arm around me the whole time and made sure I was okay. He helped me laugh at the gory, violent scenes (they threw a horse at a vampire to kill him, what the heck?).
I don't think I'll be having any nightmares tonight. :)
And probably the most important lesson I learned today is to just let things go and forgive people who hurt you. Forget the horrible things they said to you and did to you. It's hard, but you have to let it go, or it will eat you up inside and you'll be so bitter you can't save the world. And isn't that what this whole blog is about?
Someone really close to me went through some really tough times with a crazy (now ex) girlfriend. She treated him like crap and expected him to treat her like royalty. She broke up with him a few weeks ago because he had changed, she said. Two weeks later she asks to get back together, says she's sorry, and that things were her fault too. He gave her another chance. She treated him even worse. He finally stood up to her last night, and she called him screaming and broke up with him, and harassed him well into the night through text, and early this morning, until their parents finally put a stop to it. Then she publicly disgraced him on his Facebook wall and called him all sorts of horrible things. When he blocked her and deleted her posts, he made a status about how he was going to find someone who loved him all the time, unconditionally, no strings attached. Her friend comments on it and harasses him and his parents.
Tonight, someone else very close to my heart posted a link to his blog on Facebook and asked all his friends to read it, and that it would mean a lot to him if they would. The first person to comment on it told him he should change the color scheme. The guy used to be one of my absolute best friends. I could tell him anything. But then stuff got in the way of our almost sibling-like friendship and now all we do is fight. It hurts a lot. Anyway, my friend commented back and said thanks for the feedback, but he'd like to keep his blog the way it is for now. The guy absolutely flips out, says that he's disrespecting his oh-so popular and successful blog that he's spent so much money on, and that he knows what he's talking about, and that my friend was SO disrespectful. I got in on it, argued with him, but he absolutely and completely ignored all my comments. And I can't even begin to describe how much it hurts.
The knee-jerk reaction to this is to hate the girl and her friend and this guy for what they did. The girl did some pretty horrible things to me as well, and I hated her for a long time, not just for what she did to me, but for the way she treated my friend and his entire family. I'm still struggling with it, but I think I'm starting to get better. We shouldn't hate her, as tempting as it is. We should still look at her potential to be beautiful. If she gets help, and if we all love her and support her without enabling her, she can change. Same for the guy. I honestly don't want to be like a sister to him ever again, because I remember how easily our relationship was destroyed the first time, and I am in no way willing to put myself through that kind of pain again. But he has a different life now, and I hope that he can be happy without me as a sister. He's beautiful too. And I need to let go of what these people have done to me, or I can't save the world, and that's the last thing I want to happen. I just have to keep telling myself that. This is a healing experience for me as well, as I've said before.
It's people like them that inspire me to want to save the world. The world needs saving from people like them, but even more than that, the people like them need saving from themselves. They are trapped by their own emotions and insecurities. They are the ones to whom I want to present a more positive, loving way of living.
Come on, guys. Let's save the world. We can do it.
~Bella
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