Let freedom ring, but not too loudly.

First off, I'd like to say happy 4th of July to everyone. And let us take a moment of silence to commemorate the service members who sacrifice their lives every day (and those who have given up their lives already) to keep this country the land of the free. Never mind that this is actually posted on July 5th.

This post isn't about patriotism, though. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of mention of modesty and urges for women to respect themselves. Naturally, all of this has been met with a lot of "don't tell me what to do with my body" sort of comments.

I used to be just like that. It still kind of irritates me, to tell the truth. Simply because these kinds of messages are aimed at women, making it seem like it is totally our responsibility to make sure men don't lust after us. It's one thing to make an effort to not be a stumbling block, but it's quite another thing to say that men can't help it at all that they do stupid things as a direct result of getting turned on by seeing a girl showing a bit of skin. I understand that if you walk around with your boobs and butt hanging out, wearing tight clothes, and just acting really provocative in general, that is bad and you really can't complain if guys look at you like a piece of meat, because honestly, that's what you're presenting yourself as. But to say that guys have no self-control and it's your own fault if they look at you like that when you're wearing perfectly modest clothing and acting respectable . . . no. Just no.

Gahhh DX I am tired again. I'm sorry. I'll get back on topic now.

Anyway. The thing is, those people who tell you to cover up (within reason) . . . they're right. Your boobs do go in your shirt. Your butt does go in your pants. Your middle finger should be down. You get the picture. If you respect yourself, people will respect you. If you post pictures of yourself on Facebook in nothing more than a few threads and parade around like you're the sexiest thing alive, then you're just asking for those pigs to treat you like a piece of meat. Because you know what? That's what you're acting like. True, it is your body, and no one can really control what you do with it. But just think about whether or not you want to be a girl who has a bunch of one-night stands with guys who couldn't care less about her. I don't have firsthand experience of this (and never will, because I respect myself enough to know I'm better than that), but I can tell you one thing - a long, committed relationship beats any of that crap by a long shot. I'm not trying to attack anyone, because I know what it feels like to be told this over and over and over, especially when you don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. And it's okay to disagree with me. If you don't see what I mean right now, you will in time.

And now I'm going to address the guys, because I am not going to be one of those people that blames the girls for everything. Guys, I understand you're turned on by sight. I understand you can't control this. But what you can control is continuing to look at the girl(s) and thinking disgusting thoughts about them. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's doable. You can help shouting horrible, disgusting, degrading things at every girl who walks down the street. You can help feeling up a girl, even after she's told you to stop. I can tell you as a person who went through all of that, it's not okay. And trust me, when it happened to me, I was wearing much more than just a few threads. But more on that later. I'm not being totally insensitive, because I understand a little of what you guys go through with that. I could never understand it completely, but from what my boyfriend tells me, it's kind of hard for guys to keep it flaccid when a girl presents herself in that way. Just exercise a bit of self-control, that's all I'm asking. Self-respect goes for you guys too, and if you always act like you just want one-night stands, no girl in her right mind will ever see you as a guy she could see herself marrying one day.

The meaning of the title for this blog post is that you have the freedom to present yourself in whatever way you want. Absolutely. If you want to post nude pictures on the internet, who is going to stop you? It's your body, your life, your decision. But just because you can do things doesn't mean you should do them. Doing that could seriously screw up a job opportunity for you one day, in addition to never being viewed as much more than an object. I absolutely cannot tell anyone how they should dress or behave, because I know that even if you're completely covered, as I was all those times I was violated, some guys will still treat you badly. Modesty is subjective. Your culture might view skirts to the knees, short-sleeved shirts, and flip flops as immodest. Others might view anything less than a woman being completely covered except for her face as immodest. You just have to go by your own moral standards and judge yourself. Yourself. Not everyone is going to agree with the way you view modesty, and you won't agree with everyone else. It's important not to judge other people. I am not excusing the way people view those who choose to live a less than holy lifestyle, not at all. I'm saying it happens and you're an idiot if you think you can get away with it. But you don't have to be one of the people who trash talks every girl in shorts, or whatever. Make them feel beautiful and secure, but don't enable them to continue acting immodestly, and they will begin to respect themselves. I also think you're an idiot if you think yelling at someone to just put some pants on will have positive long-term results. But that's just me.

I'm really tired. I'm sorry. I'm ending it here. If you're struggling with this, or if you just don't understand what I mean very well, please feel free to email me. And pray. I always encourage that. God will help you way better than I ever could.

Good night, my lovelies!

~Bella

God can do it all for you.

Hi guys, sorry I haven't been posting. Life interfered.

Most of the drama is over, for which I am grateful. Things aren't perfect, but they never are. I'm content, for the most part.

Things are falling into place. Not the way I imagined them, but the way God planned them. I wanted a bunch of things that just weren't going to happen. God got tough with me and told me He had better things planned. So I fought Him tooth and nail, naturally. But it turned out to be better than I ever thought it would if I did things my way.

I guess this post is about letting God take control of your life. At least, that's where my fingers and my sleep-deprived brain are taking me.

And guys, please don't think I'm shoving Christianity down your throats. If you don't believe, you don't believe, and I can't change that. I wish I could. I wish everyone could see how beautiful a life with Jesus as your best friend can be. But I can't. And if my talking about it all the time offends you or anything, you absolutely are not forced to read this. It's just that this is my blog, and I express myself here. I'm a very headstrong person and I generally do what I want. Not saying I'm disrespectful and I do a bunch of illegal stuff, but I have control of my life (within reason, because I don't want to contradict myself), and I do what I think I need to do to better myself.

Geez, I'm rambling. Okay. Let's try to get back on topic.

Let's use an example from my life. Not a very recent one, and not with a lot of details, because I want to keep as much anonymity as I can (although I might have already ruined that with another post). Anyway. I used to think I was absolutely, positively, completely in love with this guy. We talked all the time, and I had fallen head over heels for him. There was a slight distance problem that would have made a serious relationship pretty hard to manage, but I figured if we were really in love, then it wouldn't matter (I still believe that, but not with him, obviously). I thought I loved him for about two and a half years, and when you're an early teen, that's a long time to be infatuated with someone. You believe all that stupid crap about how if you like someone for so long, you're definitely in love with them.

What I failed to realize was that he was completely uninterested in me. I guess I knew it somewhere in the back of my mind, but again, I was a young teenager, and I didn't want to believe it. I remember crying to my mom several times about how I didn't want anyone else, and I didn't understand why he didn't love me back. Sometimes, our relationship was great. Best friends. Other times, I wanted to smack him because he treated me terribly. Of course, I blamed myself for being annoying, but that was before I became the person I am today, with the attitude of not taking any crap off of anyone.

So imagine my shock and pain when he got with another girl. A girl that I had been good friends with for awhile, who I had no idea that he even liked. I tried to get over it. I tried to be supportive. Of course, I was accused of trying to hit on him and get him to leave her for me. None of it was true, obviously. I might have been hurt seemingly beyond repair, but I do not try to steal other girls' boyfriends.

Anyway, I was devastated. Absolutely heartbroken. I shut out most people for a long time. I didn't talk to the two of them for a few months, maybe longer. I can't remember exactly how long. I made it worse by not talking to anyone outside of the situation about it. I shut it all in until I blew up. I can't remember exactly how it happened, it was so long ago (and I'm tired lol). But it was bad.

So a few months passed by. Prom rolled around. My best friend in school asked me. I wasn't planning on going, but I figured what the heck, I'd give him a chance. I knew he liked me, and I was really starting to like him back now that I had stopped obsessing over the guy who I was too blind to see had broken my heart. My heart was healing and I figured I could risk someone else taking it over, at least for a little while.

Best decision I have ever made. Ever. He is literally the best thing to ever happen to me. Holy crap. We've been together over a year and we haven't had any major life-altering problems yet. We laugh over the stupidest stuff, and send those long, mushy text messages telling each other how amazing they are. We have had complete strangers come up to us in public to tell us how amazing of a couple we are. I really think he's the one. :)

I absolutely believe God led me to him. We aren't perfect. We don't always put Him first. But I know that I was not meant to be with that other guy. I fought God tooth and nail to change how things were going to be so that I could end up with the other guy, but I see now how stupid I was to ever cry over him or dream of marrying him and having kids one day. Now I want that with my best friend. You know, the one who actually loves me and accepts me exactly the way I am.

So if you're in a position like the one I was in, please email me. Talk to me about it. I'm here for all of you. Trust me, I know what it's like.

God can do it. You don't have to worry. Just let Him make all your decisions for you and then listen to Him. Trust me, He knows what He's doing way better than any of us do.

I am so tired. Haha. I'm barely making sense to myself. Good night, you guys. I love you.

~Bella