This post isn't about patriotism, though. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of mention of modesty and urges for women to respect themselves. Naturally, all of this has been met with a lot of "don't tell me what to do with my body" sort of comments.
I used to be just like that. It still kind of irritates me, to tell the truth. Simply because these kinds of messages are aimed at women, making it seem like it is totally our responsibility to make sure men don't lust after us. It's one thing to make an effort to not be a stumbling block, but it's quite another thing to say that men can't help it at all that they do stupid things as a direct result of getting turned on by seeing a girl showing a bit of skin. I understand that if you walk around with your boobs and butt hanging out, wearing tight clothes, and just acting really provocative in general, that is bad and you really can't complain if guys look at you like a piece of meat, because honestly, that's what you're presenting yourself as. But to say that guys have no self-control and it's your own fault if they look at you like that when you're wearing perfectly modest clothing and acting respectable . . . no. Just no.
Gahhh DX I am tired again. I'm sorry. I'll get back on topic now.
Anyway. The thing is, those people who tell you to cover up (within reason) . . . they're right. Your boobs do go in your shirt. Your butt does go in your pants. Your middle finger should be down. You get the picture. If you respect yourself, people will respect you. If you post pictures of yourself on Facebook in nothing more than a few threads and parade around like you're the sexiest thing alive, then you're just asking for those pigs to treat you like a piece of meat. Because you know what? That's what you're acting like. True, it is your body, and no one can really control what you do with it. But just think about whether or not you want to be a girl who has a bunch of one-night stands with guys who couldn't care less about her. I don't have firsthand experience of this (and never will, because I respect myself enough to know I'm better than that), but I can tell you one thing - a long, committed relationship beats any of that crap by a long shot. I'm not trying to attack anyone, because I know what it feels like to be told this over and over and over, especially when you don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. And it's okay to disagree with me. If you don't see what I mean right now, you will in time.
And now I'm going to address the guys, because I am not going to be one of those people that blames the girls for everything. Guys, I understand you're turned on by sight. I understand you can't control this. But what you can control is continuing to look at the girl(s) and thinking disgusting thoughts about them. I'm not saying it's easy, but I am saying it's doable. You can help shouting horrible, disgusting, degrading things at every girl who walks down the street. You can help feeling up a girl, even after she's told you to stop. I can tell you as a person who went through all of that, it's not okay. And trust me, when it happened to me, I was wearing much more than just a few threads. But more on that later. I'm not being totally insensitive, because I understand a little of what you guys go through with that. I could never understand it completely, but from what my boyfriend tells me, it's kind of hard for guys to keep it flaccid when a girl presents herself in that way. Just exercise a bit of self-control, that's all I'm asking. Self-respect goes for you guys too, and if you always act like you just want one-night stands, no girl in her right mind will ever see you as a guy she could see herself marrying one day.
The meaning of the title for this blog post is that you have the freedom to present yourself in whatever way you want. Absolutely. If you want to post nude pictures on the internet, who is going to stop you? It's your body, your life, your decision. But just because you can do things doesn't mean you should do them. Doing that could seriously screw up a job opportunity for you one day, in addition to never being viewed as much more than an object. I absolutely cannot tell anyone how they should dress or behave, because I know that even if you're completely covered, as I was all those times I was violated, some guys will still treat you badly. Modesty is subjective. Your culture might view skirts to the knees, short-sleeved shirts, and flip flops as immodest. Others might view anything less than a woman being completely covered except for her face as immodest. You just have to go by your own moral standards and judge yourself. Yourself. Not everyone is going to agree with the way you view modesty, and you won't agree with everyone else. It's important not to judge other people. I am not excusing the way people view those who choose to live a less than holy lifestyle, not at all. I'm saying it happens and you're an idiot if you think you can get away with it. But you don't have to be one of the people who trash talks every girl in shorts, or whatever. Make them feel beautiful and secure, but don't enable them to continue acting immodestly, and they will begin to respect themselves. I also think you're an idiot if you think yelling at someone to just put some pants on will have positive long-term results. But that's just me.
I'm really tired. I'm sorry. I'm ending it here. If you're struggling with this, or if you just don't understand what I mean very well, please feel free to email me. And pray. I always encourage that. God will help you way better than I ever could.
Good night, my lovelies!
~Bella
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