Eating disorders.

As horrible as your health class makes them sound, and as much as you want to believe they don't really exist, people actually subject themselves to that torture. They believe it's not as bad as it really is. Often, they don't believe they have a problem. It's quite common.

I won't go into explaining them all, because my point is not to give you a health lesson. Anorexia means you don't eat, bulimia means you eat way too much and then make yourself throw up, and when you binge it means you eat way too much. That's as much as I'll tell you, because that's about as much as I know. There have to be more than just those three out there, and just those three have to be more complicated than I understand. I don't pretend to know everything, like so many others in the world.

Even if you don't want to have an eating disorder, once you allow it to consume you, as with anything else, you can't just quit cold turkey. And you can't do it alone. I know this firsthand. I'm anorexic. There. I said it. I hate eating. Even though I know I'm a healthy weight, it just doesn't register. I know that I have a problem. I know that going on a sandwich or two a day isn't healthy. I blame it on not being able to find something I want, or just being too busy to eat. I eat a decent amount and tell myself I've eaten too much, when in all seriousness I know I'm barely surviving on how little I eat. I know that's not okay.

I need help. I've had help from some amazing people, my boyfriend being the first one to tell me I need to eat something. He's forced me to sit down and eat something before. That's how much he loves me. And I don't want to make anyone feel bad and seem like I'm bragging or anything, but I just don't think he's worth hiding. I know he'll see this, and I just want him to know I'm not being obnoxious and trying to tell him that his decision to leave me out of his blog and concentrate on other things is something I'm not okay with. I love you hun, and thank you for everything.

Let me tell you, boy or girl, you are way too beautiful to allow something like body image to allow you to hurt yourself. I don't care if you weigh 600 pounds, you are absolutely freaking beautiful and you deserve to know it and believe it. I don't care if you're 90 pounds, maybe even lower, and people feel like they'll break you if they hug you. You just don't deserve to feel that way and I am so sorry that you do.

If any of you need help, you can email me. I understand at least the basics of what you're going through. Talk to me. Please. I don't want anyone to die because no one cared enough to listen to them about why they're turning to self-harm to deal with stress or whatever.

I love you all.

~Bella